Momma passed away on October 15th.  I've had a rough time of it here recently.  I keep meaning to come on her and update, but everytime I sit down to do so I put it off once again.  The last week of her life was painful to watch.  I comfort myself by telling myself she was already gone, mentally, by then, but you never know.  I hope I never have to see anyone suffer like that ever again. 

I miss her more than I can say.  People always say 'there are no words' and I get that saying now.  I catch myself at moments when I'm playing with Canon and he does some little something new wanting to call her and tell her about it only to remember that she's no longer there to share those sweet moments with. 

Daddy's passing was easier to handle.  It was expected.  But Momma, even with all her medical issues, was expected to pull through this.  The infection in her blood was to strong though and we lost her much to soon.  We had plans, she and I.  I miss her.

I've been extremely MIA in recent months due to my own laziness.  Not sure why, but I just became a bit depressed with all my online communities.  Nothings changed in my love for HP or other books.  If anything I'm a bigger nerd than ever, falling into other series such as Betsy the Vampire Queen and House of Night, to name a few.  

I'm also ashamed to admit that I've fallen into the trappings of 'online gaming'. *sigh*  Yes, I have a problem and I'm working on dealing with it.  Hopefully in a month or two (>.< - maybe sooner) I can pry my addictive personality away from such things.  Recently I haven't had time for them at all which is a good thing, though that which took my attention from them wasn't so great.

My dad passed away September 22, 2009 at the age of 72.  He's been ill almost since I was born though I never really noticed it until shortly after Rickey and I got married.  In my eyes he was always the pillar of strength that held me up when I would have definitely fallen, flat on my ass in most instances.  Like I said, he seemed fine to me up until about four years ago when he was diagnosed with COPD and had to start wearing oxygen.  If you don't know what COPD is, I don't know the exact terminology - just the abbreviate, it's a disease that you get from smoking (basically).  It affects your lung function, which in turn affects your heart function.  It's a very long and drawn out way to die.  My mom, who has never smoked a day in her life, also has it after living with my dad from day to day through 49 years of marriage.  So, if you smoke (which is completely your decision) just keep in mind those around you.  Rickey goes outside to smoke his cigars, has since I requested he do so since my dad's diagnosis.  

I've went and gotten myself off topic, as I so usually do.  After my dad passed, while we were making the funeral arrangements, my sister, who is in her mid to late 40's, kept saying 'the daddy that I knew'.  It made me feel like I had missed out on something special with my dad, which I did since I wasn't born yet.  In the 70's, when my sister and brother were growing up, they said that they would get home from school, do their homework, and then straight out to the farm to plow, plant, harvest, or take care of the cattle, getting home around 10 in the evening and go to bed.  They got to see my dad wrestle steers to the ground and any number of other things that never happened during my childhood.  My sister described him as the kind of guy that liked to laugh, playing practical jokes on everyone.

My sister and I put together a photo collage of 48 pictures for the funeral home to put on a slide show.  My dad hated to have his picture taken, so it was surprising that we found nearly enough pictures of him to accomplish this.  There were pictures of him in the service: holding an assault rifle in his bunk house, playing a game of cards with his buddies, and having a beer.  We even found one of him on a tractor, plowing a field.  Seeing all of these pictures as proof to my sister's testament sort of made me wish I had known him back then.  I loved my dad for the man that he was, but now realize that I missed out on a lot of what he had to give because of his age when I came along.

We buried my dad on Saturday, September 26, 2009.  The ceremony was probably one of the most beautiful, not to mention longest, I had ever been to.  My sister is friends with a local folk/western band that is very good and they played all the music live at the ceremony.  That was a little strange for me because I had never seen it done, but it worked.  In his lifetime, my dad had joined the Masons.  All these years of bugging my dad to tell me(I can't help it, I was an inquisitive - read nosey - child), I still have no clue what they did at those meetings, all I know is that it is a group of men that have decided to live their lives a specific way in the way they provide for their families and their walk with God (at least that's what the speaker at the funeral said).  The speaker who spoke on behalf of the Masons had the entire fifteen minute speech memorized and had a mesmerizing speaking voice; it was very eloquent.

I miss my dad very much and will always love him.  He was my pillar when I needed to lean on him, and the person I went to most for advice.  But I am also glad that he is no longer suffering, in that way his death was a blessing.

The Monday after my dad's funeral, September 28, I was due to go to the doctor for a routine checkup.  My mom, not wanting to stay in the house by herself, was to go with me.  We never made it to the doctor appointment.  My mother, who is very much overweight, also has problems walking.  On this date, her hips were hurting her.  To get out of my sister's house, whom both my parents have lived with for about eight months, you have to go down a set of four steps.  My mom got stuck on the next to top step and couldn't go any further.  Phone calls were made to my sister, who had went back to work, and to 911 for assistance.  Upon my sister's arrival we were able to get her off of the step and onto the ground using a sheet wrapped around her midsection just under her chest which I and my oldest niece, Jamie, held at each end from behind, her leaning against my sister (who was on the ground) for support and my second oldest niece, Jacquelyn, walking my mother's feet down the steps one by one.  After she was on the ground and sitting in her wheelchair she promptly puked all over herself.

Once EMS arrived (we got Mom cleaned up before they got there) they helped us load her into my sister's truck (I knew the EMT's and normally they would have insisted on taking them in their wagon, but due to professional courtesy they let us take her to our hospital of choice - they would have taken her to the nearest and we would have had to request another ambulance for transfer).  When I say 'they', I'm actually referring to the two EMT's, Julie and Kim, three firefighters, and one water department guy (though today Julie explained to me that the water department guy wasn't so much helping as he was grabbing her - Julie's- ass).  Once loaded, we were on our way to Tulsa to the hospital where all my mother's specialists are.  She has Diabetes, COPD, Gout, and I'm sure several other things (High Blood Pressure and the likes) but those are the main issues.

We arrived at the hospital with my mother shortly after noon and they immediately admitted her due to a temperature of 102.6 fahrenheit (I think that's the one we use in the US).  They worked on getting her a private room ready, and were in transport with her at around 6:30PM when a nurse, who was down the hallway from Mom's group (consisting of my sister, brother, and transport guy from the hospital - I had went home to get my mother's CPAP machine) ran up to the transport bed asking the group how long she had been like that.   My sister said that she had been dosing for about thirty minutes, she had been hooked up to heart monitors and all other sorts of devices while in the room, but those had been disconnected during transport.  The nurse asked my mother's name, Barbara, and then started shaking her trying to get a response - nothing.  She had quit breathing when the nurse went to shake her.  They wheeled Momma back into the ER room she was in, closed the curtains, and called for a crash cart - all while taking my brother and sister to the 'bad news' room, otherwise known as the family room.  The nurses and doctors were able to get Mom breathing again, though to this date I have no clue how long she was out for, and she was admitted to ICU - where she still sits.  She had surgery on September 30, at which point they put her on a ventilator because she was being sedated and she has yet to come off of it.  We are hopeful that they will take her off of it tomorrow though because she has been improving and they've been working on weening her off of it.

The old saying goes 'God never gives you more than you can handle.'  Well, I wish he didn't think so much of my family! >.<

This past Sunday, October 4, my sister was running late leaving her shift at the hospital with my mom - we've all been taking turns on days and nights staying with her in ICU.  My husband and I were to meet her at a restaurant at 5:30 for dinner and then she was going home.  We never made that appointment either!

My sister has practically raised her youngest grandchild, a little boy that just turned two in June by the name of Jackson.  When Jacquelyn had him she had heart problems and was out of it for a while.  Her heart problems have since cleared up, but Sissy still takes care of Jackson - mainly because Jacquelyn, at the age of 23, still has a lot of growing up to do and Jaskson shouldn't have to suffer because of that.  Anyways, as I was saying, my sister was running late leaving the hospital so she contacted Jackson's dad, Joe, who was watching him until my sister could pick him up, to let him know that she would be there about 7:30 - 8 PM.  Joe had no problem with that (and why should he - he is the father).  He took Jackson and his other two children, ages 5 and 3(different mother), and went out to feed his various animals.

Now, Joe is no rancher or farmer but he does have a lot of animals, one of them being a stud horse.  This particular horse is a little awnry and has to be tied up during feeding time or it chases all the other animals around the yard, yes the yard - none of them have their own pen.  Joe turns around for what he swears was a second and turns back just in time to see Jackson get kicked in the face by the horse.  Jackson is out cold for a minute, wakes up cries loudly the next minute, then he's back out.  EMS ended up life flighting him (EMT Julie was again of assistance on this case) to Tulsa to one of the best Children's hospitals in the state, where they got him stabilized and admitted him into ICU.  He has (rather had - it sealed itself off) a small bleed in the critical part of his brain, 2 separate fractures in his jaw, and a laceration on his cheek which is going to leave a scar (per the doctor).  It could have been a lot worse.  My sister thinks that the horse didn't make full contact with his face, that it was just a glancing blow.  Jackson is a resilient little runt; he's already back to giving his grandpa orders and is expected to leave the hospital sometime within the next day or so.

That pretty much sums up my last two and a half weeks.  I can pretty much look back and thank God that it hasn't been worse, because it definitely could have been.  All I ask now is that you keep my family in y'alls prayers, maybe hint to the big guy that you think my family deserves an itsy break (I know - all powerful being, to his will be done and all - but still, we're at cracking point here.)

Thanks for reading my ramble! >.<

Sunday - July 26

1.  It's my day off!

2. Spent all day lounging at home with DH and my lil' guy!  Could I ask for anything better?


Monday - July 27

1. Woke up and Canon was covered in hives.  Poor little guy had an angry red rash ranging from his underarms and down his sides and in the crooks where his thighs meet his torso.  Called the Dr. and he adv to go ahead and give him some benadrill(sp?) which cleared it right up. (started out bad but the end result was a happy one.)

2. Spent the day with my mom, dad, and sister.

3. Tried a new concoction of my own making and it actually turned out edible and Rickey liked it which was a surprise!  Creamy mushroom and tomato basil sauce with meatballs (or well seasoned browned hamburger) and pasta!


Tuesday - July 28

1.  Canon's hives are all gone!  He's no longer speckled.

2.  Mom made homemade chicken noodle soup.  It was delicious but weather wise it didn't match - it should have been cold and rainy! 

3.  Rickey's mom actually stopped by to see Canon.  Makes about the fifth time since he's been born, if that, and she passes by my house everyday that I'm off!  Luckily, I had to go into work so I didn't have to worry about my mouth running away with itself.

Okay, so the last one was a little more ranty than happy, but it was a rough day.

1.  Tuna Fish sandwich for lunch! (Food makes me happy!!)

2.  Rereading one of my fave books!

3.  Canon was crying all day while I was sleeping and his daddy was watching him.  When I picked him up he quit and just smiled!!!  He wanted his momma!

That's pretty much it.  I lead a boring life! >.< Work, sleep, work, sleep, etc.  I'll be off the next three days though so maybe I can post something more exciting. (And now y'all know why I don't update LJ all that often - nothing to talk about!) :-p

Meme borrowed/stolen from snapestalon

1. Post about something that made you happy today even if it's just a small thing.
2. Do this every day for eight days without fail.
3. Tag eight any number of your friends to do the same.

Hmmm.... I have no clue who to tag (seeing as I rarely - read as never - okay once - do these things) so if you would like to then go ahead, consider yourself tagged.


1. Canon screaming his head off and then switching to a smile and a laugh out of no where just because his daddy came home. It was very sweet. Made me a bit jealous because he wasn't doing it for me.

2. Finishing my book that I was reading. While happy, it's also sad because I don't have the fourth book in the series to go to yet.

3. Free steak dinner! *win*

4. My friend, Charlie, finally got his commission card so he can be a reserve at my PD. He's been driving me nuts for two weeks waiting on that thing!

See you all tomorrow!

~Stacy~

I feel absolutely numb.  Tonight was horrible. 

A man died tonight and I don't know if it was my fault.  It pains me to think that he may have lost his life because I couldn't get assistance there quick enough.  I keep running all the 'what if's through my head and thinking of things that I could have, should have done better.  My guys are telling me that it's not my fault, that he was more than likely gone before the first responders could have even gotten to him - but there's still that window of doubt in my mind and I can't shake the feeling that something that I may have done wrong resulted in this man's death.

I don't know what to do, or even how I'm going to handle living with the possibilities of regret, shame, and doubt.

( this lj cut! )</div>

Awww... I've missed reading all of y'alls entries sooo much this last month!  Now I've gotta go back and see what I've missed.  At the top of that list, I notice it's Anna's birthday!

I finally had my little one and have been on maternity leave this past month.  It was a great break from work, well, job work that is.  I learned within that time that taking care of a little baby is it's own kind of work, though it is completely rewarding in and of itself. 

My little bambino was stubborn, already taking on personality traits of my dad, before he even took his first breath.  I ended up having to be enduced, going almost a full week past my due date, and was admitted into the hospital for that procedure on April 7 at 5:00 AM.  Being the wimp that I am, I expected labor to be an agonizing experience because I can't handle pain what so ever, but it wasn't bad at all.  In fact, I slept through most of it without any pain medication while my contractions showed to be spiking rather high!  My sister was ready to spit!  She threatened to pinch me so I would at least feel some pain! *chuckles* 

The day went on and they broke my water around 1:00 PM, at which point I finally started feeling a bit of something much to my sister's satisfaction.  I received an epidural around 3:00 PM and reached about an eight and a half in dialation at which point I stopped progressing.  My doctor decided around 6:30 PM that I had been given adequate time to progress further and hadn't so they prepared me for a cesarian birth.  I was scared to death, quite honestly, never having had any type of surgery, and started shaking all over.  I'm not sure if it was adrenaline that caused it or shock, but it continued through the delivery and into the recovery room.  I ended up having to use some calming techniques (picture a happy place and all that) in order to subside the shakes.

Finally, at 7:23 PM Canon Dean was born, bright eyed and bushy tailed and he's been sleeping ever since!  At birth his sugar was a bit low so they had to feed him some formula straight away, and then it dropped again the next day at which point they had to put an iv in to get it back up.  All of that was a bit scarey and made me a pretty big worrier for the first several weeks, waking him up for a feeding every couple of hours to make sure his sugar doesn't drop and also checking his temperature several times a day. (My sister found that bit hillarious!)  

Tonight is my first night away from my sleeping prince, as I sit here at work.  His dad is on diaper duty for the time being and though I know Rickey is a good father, it still worries me that I'm not right there with him.   Rickey has been there these past four weeks when Canon has cried for a bottle or to be held, but he's not been the one that has gotten up with him and that worries me now.  Since I'm not there to comfort my son will his father?  Rickey's a fairly heavy sleeper and I'm fearful that he might not hear his son's cries in the middle of the night.  And now I've gone and made myself cry!  *sniffles*  Surely he will hear him, it's just me being a worry wort.

I have pictures to post, however they are all at home on my camera at the moment so I'll have to post them tomorrow night!  I hope you have all been well this past month!  And now, I'm going to attempt to catch up with what you all have been doing during that time! >.o

 

Hi there!  It's me, the worst updater on LJ.  I've actually been meaning to do this for the past month but am just now getting around to it.  I feel like I've been that way with everything lately - what can I say - I'm the worlds best procrastinator!  Not a good title, but a title none the less.

Nothing much has been going on with me, which is another excuse for not updating - nothing to say!  I'm still pregnant, though I'm sooooo ready to get this kid out.  It's been pretty easy going up until the last four weeks or so when my feet started swelling.  To be expected though, right.  I was actually surprised they hadn't started swelling sooner than they did, so plus for me I guess. 

I finally got back up to my pre-pregnancy weight about a month ago, I think it was my first bi-weekly visit in February.  It was nice to be smaller than what I had been for once even though it was all going to my stomach.  That's all in the past now, I gained ten pounds in two weeks at my last visit, which I'm assuming isn't good due to the look on the Dr's face.  He told me to cut back on the carbs.  I looked at him like he was nuts!  Bread and pasta and all of the in-betweens are my fave!  Though I have been trying to cut back (no biscuits and gravy for breakfast *sigh*), I'm not sure how well I'm doing.

I've got about a month left, if Canon doesn't decide to surprise me earlier than April 1st, and I've just started my weekly visits.  It's getting interesting.  The other day he decided to see how far apart my ribs would stretch and I thought I was going to die!  Before that I wasn't sure if I would be getting an epidural(however it's spelt) or not, but I think I will take it now after that little experience.

My renovations that started back in November are still not finished, and I'm feeling the time crunch now.  The floors done, the tubs done, and the plumbing, but I've still got to finish mudding the corners in the bathroom, sanding them down, and painting.  Then Rickey can put the bathroom sink in and get it out of the babies room. >.<

Speaking of the babies room, I have nothing done. *fail*  I take that back.... I put the bassinet together the other day, but seeing as that's going in mine and Rickey's room it doesn't count. *fail again*  I feel like everything has just been crashing down on me and I'm about to lose it.  Between working two jobs and trying to get ready for the baby, I'm ready to pull my hair out. 

I started back at my old police department a month ago, working on Sundays only, so that everyone can get their days off up there when they fired the girl I had suggested due to 'no call, no show'.  I felt guilty, since it was on my recommendation she was hired. *shrug*  I'm still getting two days off a week, but now one of those days is dedicated to my doctor's appt which is an all day event.  I'm taking the 14th off completely so that I'll have four days off to completely focus on getting the house ready for the new arrival.  Wish me luck!

Well, I guess that's pretty much all the news that's been going on with me in the last several months.  I have been keeping up with everyones LJ's, even though I hardly ever comment - I just can't ever think of anything to say. *blush*

It's official, I'm weird. :-p  Just knowing that I have new books on the way to my house gets me uber excited.  I had ordered some on Christmas Day/Day after Christmas (I was at work over-night and I can't remember if I hit submit before or after midnight >.<) and got the free shipping option available from Amazon which put them arriving somewhere around January 6th.  But I received an e-mail today saying that my order had been shipped and is expected to arrive on the third. *nerdly squee*  That made my week, and now I'm impatiently waiting until that time comes.

I also decided to order two more books, one pre-ordered for a friend and the most recently published of the Sookie Stackhouse, which should be arriving on January 12 due to the pre-orders release of Jan 6.  I love free shipping!

As for my Christmas, all was well.  Rickey and I haven't exchanged gifts as of yet, and the grownups in our family didn't do a gift exchange this year - it was mainly just for the kids and they definitely had fun and liked everything they got.  Rickey's gift to me I've already mentioned above ^^^, and I plan on getting him an extra controller for his xbox 360. :D  That's about it.

I hope you all had an awesome Christmas and an even better New Year - as long as it's safe. :-p

~Stacy~

~Stacy~

Ah, my lovely flist!  I don't post here often enough, nor do I reply to your posts often enough, but I'm always here - laughing, crying, and squishing you when necessary - I just don't always know what to say.  Sadly, I won't be checking in everyday the way I like to after today. *pouts*  I got the new job see, and I'm not quite sure what their internet policies are at my new PD, though I will still be working the same hours.

It's a happy but sad time for me as I make the transition, I'm going to miss my guys here but I know I'll get along with my new ones well enough.  They've pretty much accepted me with open arms down there.  The Christmas Party is the Tuesday after I start, which is actually this upcoming Wednesday, and they've already reserved me a slot so I can go.  So see, even though I'll be missing my guys up here and unsure about my ability to check on you lovelies as I normally do, I'm going into a good bunch.

( When it rains it pours... )

It's been a crazy sort of week for me and my family, especially the last couple of days.  Starting on a happy note, I got to see my cousin Edgar and his cousin Victor and Uncle Balo this past weekend.  They came up from El Paso and Mexico for a bit of deer hunting - the season opened on Friday here.  It was a pretty fun time, filled with great food and funny translation mistakes - Victor speaks a little bit of English where his dad, Balo, speaks little to none.  No monster deers were bagged but they still had a great time and we were sad to see them go on Monday.

On the heartbreak front, I have two women in my life that are in a lot of pain right now.  The first being my niece, Jacquelyn (22-23), who found her recently estranged husband out with another woman on Saturday night.  The seperation has been coming for a long time, but this was the first time she had ever seen him with another girl and I think it made everything real to her for the first time.  They've been married for a little over one year and have a beautiful 15 month old son, which makes it all the more heartbreaking in a way.  I sat at my sister's house on Sunday watching Jackie just watch him play and laugh, he looks so much like his dad, and the sadness that was evident in her eyes just made me want to cry.   She spent the rest of Sunday cleaning out the house that they shared of all appliances and furniture - she went a bit overboard and left him with pretty much nothing aside from empty rooms with his clothes all over the place.  I can see why she did it though, she was in a lot of pain and I think she believed that was the only way to cause him pain.

The second is my brother's oldest girl, Alayssa (19).  She and her fiance had been together for a little over a year and have been engaged for about eight months of that time.  Alayssa's a bit of a different story though, she's absolutely gourgeous but has no self confidence.  Levi, her fiance, or rather ex-fiance, broke off the relationship entirely on Monday night.   Do any of you know anyone, guy or girl, that always think they know better than anyone else, and brag about themselves constantly, claiming to have done outlandishly fantastic things in their past?  That's Levi.  Personally, I've never liked him - he's always seemed utterly fake and narcissistic - and the only reason any of us have put up with him for this long is because of Alayssa's feelings.

Now, all that being said I know that I'm probably very one-sided in my opinion of him, but let me defend my position.  We have another one just like him that's married into our family, to my other niece - Jamie -, and I can somewhat tolerate him better than Levi.  Levi loves to preach to anyone that will listen about God, and there's nothing wrong with that at all.  But it's a completely different thing to break up with someone and tell them 'God made me do it.'  and then continue to preach bible verses that are taken completely out of context for two hours after stomping all over her heart.  He basically told her that they were breaking up because it was her fault for not being a good enough christian. *fuming*  The sad thing is that he has her believing it.  I truly feel that he has brainwashed her to an extent, because she is nothing like the loving Alayssa that I remember pre-Levi.  Things are so bad for her right now that she's seeing a counselor - not that it's helping, due to the fact that it's a counselor from Levi's church and she's telling Alayssa that it's her fault as well.  Are these people insane?!  It takes two people to be in a relationship and two people to screw it up.  Yes, one can be more at fault than the other, but in my opinion it's Levi.  He was the one that pulled all the strings in the relationship and enjoyed every minute of it.  Hell, he's still pulling Alayssa's strings and they're not even together anymore!  He's a controlling, fake, narcissistic bastard!

Oh! And what a good christian.  Total hypocrite more like it.  I'm no angel, I admit that, but he is no where near qualified to pull out a soap box to preach upon.  One of the main problems in the relationship was the fact that Alayssa wants(ed) to wait until after they were married to have sex and he kept pressuring her to do it now or move up the date.  The weekend prior to the break up he was at some other girls house until 7-8 in the morning!  Now he has her thinking that they'll get back together later and it will only further break her heart down the road I fear.   The way it sounds to me, is that he has a new love interest and he just wants to keep Alayssa hanging by a thread in case that relationship doesn't work out. *fumes some more*  He tells her that he still 'loves' her with all his heart - if he truly did he wouldn't be putting her through this bs!

The a**hole even had the gall to call my sister-n-law and ask for the engagement ring back, the one that he had specially made for Alayssa.  Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there some etiquette to the break up of an engagement that states whom ever breaks the engagement doesn't get the ring.  If Alayssa had been the one to break it off I could see him wanting the ring back, but not with him being the one to end it!!!

I think, as most of you can tell, that I'm more pissed off at Levi for what he's done to Alayssa, than at Joe(Jackie's soon to be ex) for what he's done to her - though neither rank very high in my book at the moment.  I think it's the fact that Alayssa is so tender hearted, where as Jackie is usually tough as nails.

In happier news, we found out that we're having a little boy in the middle of all this heart ache.  It makes it a bit hard to bring in happy news when I know that my loved ones are feeling so horrible.  I think we've settled on Canon Dean as the name.  I tried to talke Rickey into something other than Canon, like Cort (love that name), but I couldn't get him to budge, so I bargained by using my dad's middle name, Dean.  It will probably change 20 times between now and April 1st.

I've also found a new midnight craving that has my mouth watering even now, at almost 6 am - the triple berries and cream frutista from Taco Bell.  *rubs tummy*

Anyways, I think that's enough of my ranting for now, I'll have to see if I can scan the ultrasound and get it up here for you all to see. *huggles to everyone*

~Stacy~

I think that's a quote from something, but I can't rightly remember from what. *shrugs*

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Wow.  I just started crying for absolutely no valid reason! >.<  I promised myself when I found out I was pregnant that I wouldn't do that.

My guys(officers), well not all but most, will go get me a free soda or half french van cap/half hot cocoa from our local 711 type store as long as I just ask them.  It doesn't cost them a thing, the store gives them to us for free being the civil servants that we are. :-p  Anyways, in return, when I can afford it every great once in a while, I'll make something at home and bring it up here for the guys to eat.  Stew, Chili, Lasagna - just to name a few - with all the sides that go along with it of course.  This isn't cheap by any means, and it comes out of my pocket.  Last night I made some Chili (burned the hell out of my hand by not getting all the Jalapeno juice off my hand - I didn't know you're supposed to wear gloves to chop them up) and brought it into the guys so that they could have something to eat and not have to go get the normal burger at the all night diner.  They ate, they enjoyed, they were merry.  All was well.

Tonight, I asked one of them if they'd go get me a half fren van cap/half hot cocoa because I needed some kind of caffeine - I'm fighting sleepiness and needed something to help. (Plus I've got a lovely peppermint biscotti that I wanted to dunk and enjoy.)  Basically, he told me he was busy (out flirting with nurses).  I was okay with that. 'Okay, thanks anyways.  I'll just call DD to see if he'll get it for me.'  The first officer proceeds to tell me that DD is out at the hospital with him and to call someone else.

For no damn good reason this sent me into a fit of tears after I managed to get off the phone with him.

I do have two other officers on, but my LT won't even get the free drinks for himself - much less me - and the other one doesn't have a cell phone on him so I can't very well call him to ask for the favor.  I don't know.  I feel like I overreacted to the whole ordeal, but yet I still find myself shedding errant tears as I'm typing this out.  I guess I feel like I'm not appreciated for the things I do for them.  The officer I called has been exceedingly frosty towards me since election day, none of the officers here agree with who I voted for and this particular one seems to be holding it completely against me.  But then again, maybe all this shit is in my head and I just need to chill out.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Yeah right!  I've yet to see anyone not come up with the 'Universal Genius'.  Try it and see for yourself.



ETA:  And this proves it!  I can't even get the stupid thing to show up here! >.<

I've got an interview at 9am for a PD closer to home, actually in the same town that I live in.  There's a very good chance the job will be offered to me because I've got some of the officers pulling for me down there.  The move would mean better insurance, less drive time(only like 3-5 minutes versus 20) & less wear and tear on my vehicle, more days off (I'd be working a 12 hour work day - 3 on, 4 off one week then 3 off, 4 on the next - with every other Saturday off I might add), and if the weather gets bad the guys will come pick me up in a city vehicle - so I wouldn't have to worry about wrecking my truck on an icy road.  All those pro's being laid out, the only two downsides I can see would be a pay cut of $1 or less - which with not having to buy gas for my truck as much would probably even out, and losing my vacation/sick/holiday time that I have accumulated within the past 2 3/4 years, which would cover my pregnancy leave of six weeks if I wanted.

Add on top of this the fact that my current Police Chief is trying to talk me into staying, the only thing he can offer is more money and I don't even know how much more as of yet.   But with that, I would be the only one offered the pay raise because it's not in the budget for the other four dispatchers to get one - this includes one lady who has been here longer than me.  I kind of feel like I would be backstabbing her if I took a raise and she didn't get one.  I love everyone I work with, but like I said - I know some of the guys I would be working with at the other place and I get along well with them too.  It's a toss up for me right now. *pulls hair out*   Chief also pointed out that I needed to think about the retirement plan the other agency has, so I'll be asking about that in the interview.  Right now, the whole retirement plan thing confuses the hell out of me so I might have to have my sis explain to me which would be the better choice because I have no clue.

flist, just pray that I make the right decision for me and my family when the time comes and if you have any input or things that I should consider when looking at this possible transition speak up - I value y'alls opinion.

~Stacy~

As most of you well know, NANO starts in just about 24 hours and I still haven't completely decided what my story is about! >.<  I know that I want to write a mystery/suspense type thing, but that's primarily it.  I think I'm going to have my MC as a small town reporter who is affected by the grisly slaying of two young girls.  However this story hits a little close to home due to the fact that we currently have an open case in which two young girls were shot and killed on a rural road just south of my home town.  I know how I felt when the situation occurred, my emotions and thoughts, and I could use that as inspiration for my character.  Write what you know I guess.  I'm still skeptical of using the idea though because the tragedy is so fresh in my communities mind.  What do you all think?  Would I be wrong in using such a tragedy as somewhat of an insight for the starting point for my story?

Okay, so these are just questions and not riddles, but I thought it was a cute subject line. *shrugs*  Here's a meme that Jenna(aiseiri_47 ) posted.  Just leave your answers in a comment if you decide to fill it out. :-)

Wow... almost two whole months without a post.  Surprise, surprise. (/sarcasm)  So lot's of news going on here in Oklahoma.  I've gotten a new boss.  He seems pretty cool, even though he was caught sleeping several times during his first week. (Twice in a management meeting >.<)  Of course, he had also abruptly switched from nights to days so I can completely sympathize with his dozing off... it's something I would probably do in the same situation. 

He's actually proving to be an excellent asset to the Police Dept.... at least the dispatch area of said department.  The city has been trying to get a new dispatch room setup for about a year now.  It finally started moving semi-forward back in march when they painted the walls and laid down the hardwood flooring, but then it was endlessly put on hold - again!  Until Kenneth (my new boss) got hired.  In the two months that he has been here he has gotten the desks up, the five computer screens that go to each desk put up, the chairs put together, the LCD flat screen t.v.'s put up at each desk and connected, a mini-fridge and microwave (which I think he bought with his own money), has started rewiring everything so that we will be able to connect to the needed programs through the city server, and has started getting the digital radios ready. *bounces*  We should be in the new facility by the end of the month!

I also found out on August 8th that I am expecting a baby!  I'm about to start my third month now according to the doctor.  This was definitely a surprise as Rickey and I weren't actually trying to have a baby; it just happened.  We're super excited and have been discussing names and all sorts of stuff.  Rickey doesn't like any of the boy names I've picked out so far, but we are set on a girl's name. There is still a lot of time to decide on stuff like that though, and I'm sure I'll get my way with things before it's all said and done.

Like I said, the girl's name is a go - Rena Leanne, after my paternal grandmother, Rena, and Rickey's mom, Leona.  Leanne was the closest I could get without making it sound odd... Rena Leona just didn't go together in my opinion.  I refuse to mangle names... like Renesme (or however it was spelled). *shudders*  For a boy's name I have quite a few in my running, though Rickey didn't care for them to much.  Calum, Aidan, Liam, and Devlin are at the top of my list.  I really like Dean Makabe as a boy's name but I made a compromise with Rickey that since we aren't using his (which is his dad's name also) that I wouldn't name a boy after my dad either - whose middle name is Dean.  The first four I found looking through boy names of Irish origin; I really want an Irish or Scottish name if it's a boy.  Not sure why that is, I just like them better than all the others.

That's pretty much it for now... hopefully I'll start updating this thing more often. >.<